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Full-Spectrum Love                                    Blog

There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for?

The answer to each is the same: only Love. (From the movie “Don Juan de Marco”)


If you are happily married, totally fulfilled, and completely at peace with your love life, this article is not for you.

 But if you have a longing that hasn’t been met, then read on!

 People can relate lovingly in many ways. They can be buddies, best friends, lovers, playmates, colleagues, or partners. Love can flow through all these venues, in various forms and expressions: empathetic listening, offering gifts, praise, affectionate touch, intimate union, or simply allowing another to be who they are. Driven by our innate programming to evolve, we seek fulfillment and expansion of our potential. How deeply can I lovingly connect with another human being? How wide the range of connection with her or him? And what emancipates my capacity to love?

 Couple relationships seem to be the richest venue for experiencing a great spectrum of loving expressions. With our same-sex friends, we share everything from casual buddy-ship to deep, intimate friendship. We love children in a way that is closest to the divine, unconditional love – Agape or Metta.

 But only within a couple relationship can a human connect with another through erotic love, friendship and spiritual love at the same time. Arguably the most challenging of all types of relationships, a couple is also the most generous venue for growth in our ability to give, receive and express love.

 The human potential for loving another 100% could be compared with a piano keyboard. Many people play mostly an octave, by being ‘just friends’ or ‘just lovers’. Some play even less. A casual erotic encounter would probably sound like two piano keys played with two fingers: D, C, D, C, D, C! If speaking in colors rather than sounds, it would probably be a monochromatic picture. Just buddies: four keys or two colors. Friends: one full octave and yellow-green. Two people who connect from Eros to Agape and everything in-between: a full-keyboard symphony of sound and a full spectrum love! Such two people are passionate lovers, best friends, life mates and share a deep spiritual connection of blissful kosmic love. These two people lovingly connect with each other physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.

 As consciousness evolves, culture (the way people relate to one another) evolves as well. It is only for the past few years that couples form with the intention of enjoying fulfilling emotional intimacy. We have evolved from mating solely to have children, or out of socio-economic or political reasons. We want to feel appreciated, heard, supported. We want to be able to trust and respect our partner. We want to have our needs met in our relationship – and guess what! Our needs are evolving too! Like the donkey who follows the carrot tied in front of his nose, our needs are just a tad greater than our ability to meet them in each moment; and in our striving to fulfillment, we are stretched, and we grow.

 There are two major philosophical approaches to spiritual emancipation: ascension and descension. Those focusing on ascension are placing their entire focus on spirit and the higher spheres of existence. The exclusively ascending focused people are the renunciates, who neglect or deny themselves the worldly ‘goodies’. They live without material possessions, in celibacy, sometimes withdrawn from society. They dedicate their entire energy to prayer, meditation, contemplation, yoga etc.    

 Those descending in their focus, only consider the three-dimensional reality of our world. They focus on material acquisition, environment, science, and everything that has to do with the earth.

 An integrated human being focuses on both ascension and descension. Imagine: what is it like to connect to spirit and function successfully in this world in the same time? To explore higher states of consciousness, work with Chi and subtle energies, meditate deeply, open the heart to the infinite kosmic Love, and in the same time to drive a car, build a house, grow a garden, and be a great lover?

 What is it like to enjoy an ‘Intimate Communion’ – a term coined by David Deida, author of the book with the same name - where both partners are moved by Love in all its forms and expressions, from Eros, to Friendship, to Agape and everything in between?

 I see love as a force to which the heart can be more or less open, just like the aperture of the photographic camera. Love has its own order, which, when respected, allows for its free flow. In his Family Constellations work, the German systemic therapist Bert Hellinger noticed that in a couple, when the man stands at the right hand side of the woman, and the woman at the left side of the man, love can flow. The man who stands at the right side feels responsible and protective, and the woman who stands at his left side feels supported and fulfilled. If you are sensitive to subtle energies, try walking, or sleeping, or eating with your consort man at the left, woman at the right, and notice how it feels. Then switch and notice the difference.

 While kosmic love is all-inclusive, the human love discriminates. In a world of duality, of Yin and Yang, the interplay of masculine and feminine energies in a couple will either restrict or will magnify the flow of love. Why is it that a woman whose husband fixes the bathroom leak is more fulfilled in her marriage than the woman who does it herself? Is there a correlation between how long a marriage lasts and whether the man is taller, or shorter than the woman? And how is love affected by who picks up the cheque?

 A new breed of lover, skilled and enlightened is emerging, creating the full-spectrum love experience step by step. What would you do for a love made in heaven, delightful on the earth?

Join our Monday Meditation Evenings on Love at the Body-Mind Wellness Studio at 309 Cooper street, 3rd floor. Attendance is free, registration required. See the calendar at www.tanasaler.com for detailed information.